She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
