also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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