I take back everything I said about communal showers
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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