We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
