thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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