Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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