What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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