Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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