If i come over, it means nothing
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
