you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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