Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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