We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
