he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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