their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
