I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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