Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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