It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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