she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
