wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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