Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
