I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
