If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
