If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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