Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
