Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
