Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
