i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
