that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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