You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
