Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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