If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
