NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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