i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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