The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
