smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
