Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
