How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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