I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
