THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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