dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
