....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
