As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
