I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
