cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
