Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
