i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
false alarm, still single
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