just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
