A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's official drugs can't kill me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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