we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
