1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
