Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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