Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
