Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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